"Hope" by Lori Jackson
To every new beginning, there must come an end to something.
This is a life truth that honestly we as humans are constantly seeking to avoid…for our natures generally aren’t akin to change. We don’t like it, especially if it causes pain.
Now if it causes us some kind of success, or happy emotions, then we typically are okay with it…but if there is any pain involved, please life…please God…pardon us from it.
The kink in this thinking is this…true change is going to cause some hurt. It will abrase us, because when our flesh meets up with God…God is going to rub on our flesh so He can get down to the nitty gritty with us. He seeks to expose our weaknesses and insecurities through change so we can see exactly who He is, and just why we need Him at all times in our lives…even when the good gets going in our lives.
The line made in “Facing the Giants” comes to mind when I think about this:
When we win…praise Him.
When we lose…praise Him.
Christ is at the center of all our lives. Even in change…and even in failure.
This blog is taking on a huge transition right now…in the background. Daily, I’m working to define not only the look of what this transition looks like, but also what it’s going to relay to you all. This is a deep healing process for me, for it’s addressing the very thing that’s at the core of me that I’ve been struggling to fully address most of my life:
A fear of failure.
Most of my life, I’ve been told many different messages by many since childhood, reaching into my recent past, such as:
“You’ll never be more than you are right now.”
“You’re so stupid.”
“You can’t do anything right.”
However, amidst these many messages from a select few either in actual words…and even in subversive ways…I’ve been given messages that counter these negative ones. Messages such as:
“You’re more than think you are!”
“You’re so smart!”
“You can do all things in Christ who strengthens you!”
These messages have been far fewer than the ones I’ve received in the negative, and I need to remind myself intentionally of these messages. I also need to remind myself of being given a personal, physical experience of being bucked off a horse in my teenage years that set me behind in High School by a year.
I got back up on that horse after it bucked me (because it was the only way the stubborn beast was going to move to go back to the stable), and I hated doing it. I feared him like the devil himself, for he tricked me into thinking he was a gentle creature that desired to have a rider on his back. Yet, I still got back up on him and rode him back to the stable without a hitch. I also got back up on the “horse” in school, and graduated…even though it was a year later, I got my diploma.
This experience has been the very reminder in my life that when I fail, a failure isn’t what I become…it’s only the very tool to help propel me to get back up again, and move forward.
Concerning this blog, and my writing, I’ve failed numerous times already in the past year and a half of being active with this craft. And the truth is? I will fail a lot more.
The most successful people in life fail the most…but they don’t define themselves as failures. They simply take the failures they make, allowing God to transform them into a lemonade that is the most refreshing libation that anyone has ever tasted. One that refreshes not only ourselves, but others above all else.
If we keep our failures to ourselves, never giving them the exposure they need to the world…and never letting God transform them…they will define us and defeat us. But if we bring them to light, let God have them, and we work with them as the tools they are…they will lift us up to a place we can’t even fathom. A place where not only we succeed, but also a place where others are touched in ways only He can touch.
Failures are to be our building blocks of the platform God gives for us to utilize for His kingdom so He can be glorified through us…not the dirt to bury us alive.
So considering all this…alas…I’ve failed in meeting the deadline I set weeks ago with the launching of the transformation of this blog. I failed miserably…but the cool thing is, I actually [finally] have peace about it. In the background, as I work on it, it’s coming together as He needs it to come together.
He’s creating this new transformation, and I’m simply letting Him guide me as I go through this process of transformation. The reflection of all this work…this process…will be revealed very soon. I can’t give you a firm deadline, but the transformation is coming…and it’s coming very soon.
It’s on the cusp of completion, and I’m excited to reveal it to you all.
This is a deeply cathartic moment for me, and I hope the message I’m learning in my heart encourages you all to not focus on the failures in your own lives to define you. You’re not defined by any action in your life, but by our Savior. Changing your perspective to adjust and focus on Him in every aspect of your lives (especially in failure), will generate successes beyond what you can even fathom.
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