I say “friend” about this word because at one point in my life it served as a great tool (at least in my mind).
- It gave me an opportunity to feel big…while in reality, I was very small.
- It served as a means to help me don a mask of confidence…while underneath it all, I was absolutely terrified.
- It persuaded me that it would bring about better relationships in my life…by the ways of “not letting anyone walk on me.”
However, over the past two years of my life - I learned that it has been a project I have been carrying around.
This lesson has been a tough pill to swallow, and I’m still trying to get it to go down. There are many times I still fail.
I will not wear a mask with you all – I will be transparent, without getting stupid. Anger still tempts me in my life, and at times I exercise it’s muscles. I fall into the temptation, and I sin.
It usually comes in the form of getting angry with my son – and it eats at my gut when I wake up to the reality that I am basically forcing my brokenness on my child.
There are many times in a week, sometimes, that I wind up apologizing to our son – and my husband – for the things I yell at him for that are small things. Things that really have no relevance to be angry about.
He is a toddler. Supposed to test limits and boundaries to see where they lie so he can learn discipline. However yelling in anger is a fear tactic used to enforce a dictator-type discipline; not Godly-discipline. It is a method about as bad, if not more detrimental, than actually getting physical.
I learned this tactic from my own upbringing. If I went out of line, I usually got yelled at in anger – and sometimes, it was followed up with a good swift pop on the can, or a full blown spanking (but this is another post, for another time on that note).
Many parents tell me that it is “normal” to yell. While it may be “normal” in the world of parenting on a large scale, it is not “normal” to me – nor is it “normal” to my husband. Considering we have been redeemed, saved, we made a pact with God to embrace the garments of His nature into our own; to let Him increase, and we will decrease, in Christ.
“Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. For man’s anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].”
- James 1:19-20 (AMP)
It’s amazing how temptations will arise when you set out to break a generational curse in life – experiencing more temptation than ever to engage in the sinful behaviors you are accustomed to.
Hindsight is always 20/20, and always looking back on every moment I have ever raised my voice in anger at our child to try and correct and guide him, I look at myself in the mirror – and feel such condemnation in my heart. I feel like sludge, slime and flat out like the worst mother alive.
I am an expert at how to beat yourself up. I have exercised such a technique down to a science in my life, and it is the worst feeling in the world. It’s why I constantly am reminding myself, and others, that this is not how we are supposed to live.
- That we have been redeemed.
- That we have been forgiven.
- That we are loved, despite our major malfunctions.
“If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].” -1 John 1:9 (AMP)
It all comes down to confession, friends.
We need to continuously confess our sins to God, ourselves, and someone we trust (James 5:16), so we can experience the very healing He has in store for us.
It’s not easy – absolutely not. It’s not meant to be.
This confession, about my anger…this is not easy. I don’t want to do this, but this blog is a ministry – a ministry He had lead me to, so to serve as a means of encouragement [to seek Him] to everyone this reaches. My only response can be in obedience to exercise what He teaches, if I am to follow Him.
Salvation is a continual process of growth, change and evolution in Him. We should never want to remain the same…but to always desire to change for the better. Change hurts, but pain caused by a sanctification process God is providing, is a good pain – embrace it my friends. Embrace it like you have never held onto anything before. It’s worth it.
My encouragement to you friends is this…do not let the sun go down on your anger (Eph 4:26); it’s not worth it. What is worth it, is the true healing you experience in your life upon letting God into the mix of your mess – anger and all.